Anything for commissary

In prison, the inmates are not allowed money.  They do have some on their "books" (online account) so they can buy things like stamps and food but they aren't allowed to carry any on them.  Because of that, commissary (where they buy their food) becomes their main method of payment.    They use commissary to pay for just about anything.  It is against the rules, but these guys aren't here for following rules in the first place.

We had one inmate that had paid another for some, ahem, lovins.  I am sure you know where this is going.  Anyway, the inmate that received the payment was worried that because he is straight and not attracted to men in any way that he would not be able to get it up.  He solution however, was rather um, well mind boggling.

In order to be able to get it up and keep it up, he decided to stick a pencil up his urethra.  That's right, he took getting a wood a little too seriously.  He shoved the whole darn pencil inside of himself!!!  He thought he would be able to keep it up better and he really wanted that commissary.

Then, when he couldn't get it back out, he tried using another pencil to get it out!  Needless to say, that only made matters worse.  He ended up having to be transported to the hospital for emergency surgery.

Can you imagine?  The very thought makes me tremble and shutter.  Ugh.  Seriously?  That is usually a man's pride and joy.  Like pathetically so.  What in the world makes you think that is possibly a good idea?  As if looking at any of the porn laying all over the prison of women wouldn't be a much better idea.  I can think of a million other ways that are so much better.  How in the...  I just don't even know.  I do not get these guys.  Cream of the crop right here.

And, here's your sign.